If you'd like to use this space to vent or rant or tell the stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...
I'm not a writer. I have a hard time putting my thoughts down on paper (or the computer screen, as it were). But I blog, and I read blogs. The Basement offers me an opportunity that I just can't pass up. These are things that I can't say on my own blog. My husband and our friends read my blog.
You see, I'm lonely. Really, really lonely. I am a stay at home mother of a beautiful 18 month old girl. She is the light of my life, and I love her deeply, but I am so lonely. My husband works very hard to provide for my daughter and I, but because of his job I am alone. Because of his job, I am essentially a single mother. My baby and I have seen my husband three weeks out of the last six months. My husband has been away for one quarter of the time we have been married, our 2 year anniversary is two weeks away, and he won't be home.
So, I'm lonely. I am a single mother, but I am tied down by a marriage that doesn't seem to exist. I am Mummy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, no breaks, and it is driving me crazy. What is worse, is the lonliness. I keep thinking that if I were a real single mum then I would be able to find someone to kee me company. Someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss, someone to watch tv at night with, someone to hold me at night. I can't do that. I'm married, but not really.
I've spoken to my husband about finding a job closer to home, even if it is out of town but in the same province, I would be happier. Every time I bring it up he has excuses. He doesn't want to work in the cold, he doesn't think he will make enough money to provide for us (yeah right, we live in Alberta), he told his boss that he would be around for a while after they gave him his next raise, he doesn't have time to look for a job....the list just never ends. Is he running away from me, from the pressures of being a father and a home owner? Does he realize that his marriage is in serious danger? Why can't I make him understand? How can I make him see without giving an ultimatum that I don't want to have to follow up? Am I actually married? I look at my wedding pictures, but I feel like I hardly know the man standing there beside me. I want him to come home, and I dread it at the same time. I don't want to share my bed with a stranger.