Leave your own definitions of selfishness in the comments - or, if you're so inclined, post them at your own blog and leave the link. Next week, I'll post the results of the circle share, with links, as a Very Special Basement Post on selfishness.
As always, if you'd like to use this space to tell stories/secrets/confessions of your dangerous maternal (or paternal!) mind, send me an e-mail and you too can enjoy the refuge of the Basement...
... Getting dressed, finding the car keys, and sitting there waiting until I get the baby changed anddressed, diaper bag packed, me changed and dressed,the baby in the car seat, the list and whatever else we need for wherever else we are going.
... Saying you "need to" play on the computer to get your brain working in the morning, but not getting up in time to give me even 5 minutes to go to the bathroom by myself AND you want me to pack your lunch.
... While I am packing your lunch complaining how hard it is to play sudoku one handed, ever tried to make a sandwich one handed? Cook dinner one handed? Vacuum one handed while the dog tries to eat the vacuum. Did I mention you get to shower everyday before work too?
... Letting you alarm clock go off SIX TIMES, even though you know I am trying to keep the baby asleep because he just went down for a nap. If you object t oco-sleeping feel free to sleep on the couch. There is no air-conditioning in the nursery and you do not do any night-time parenting anymore so I get to keep my sanity by sleeping with the baby.
... Thinking you are helping with the laundry when you put a load into the wash before you go to work, thencomplaining because it didn't get out onto the line right away and now it "smells funny". I am sorry the clothes dryer isn't working but that doesn't make it possible for me to be in two places at once or dry clothes outside in the rain. Also there is no light in the backyard (Didn't you say you would put one up months ago?)
... Saying you will finish the dishes "FOR ME", the dishes are YOUR CHORE, I have only started doing them out of finishing them, I know you hate washing plastic, but that is just too bad. There will be MORE plastic as your child gets older. Also, putting dirty baking sheets in the oven doesn't count as cleaning them either.
... Staying up all night and then complaining you never see us. At 10pm you said you were so tired you would fall asleep if you watched anymore TV, so you went to play on the computer. At 11pm promised you would go to bed by 11:30 and at 3am I find you still playing computer games. You will say you "couldn't sleep" of course you can't sleep playing video games, as you stated earlier you were playing them to "stay awake".
... Complaining you are tired; you no longer take our baby at night so I can get 4 hours sleep, you no longer will watch our baby while I nap on your day off. You can sleep when and where you want. I have not slept for more than 3 hours in months. You do not know the meaning of the word tired.
... Whining when you are home and I manage to get the baby asleep and I try to get some chores done. I do chores when you are around because I know when our baby wakes up there will be someone else to comfort him while I get to a place I can pause, or heaven forbid, actually finish what I start. Some chores do not take well to being interrupted. I am sorry if you feel guilty because I am cleaning and you haven't done a thing around the house in a week. I am sorry if you miss time alone with me, I miss time alone with you too, but only when I am not pissed off because I do EVERYTHING.
I do not begrudge our baby any of his needs. I love our baby and have placed his needs first; he needs love, food, and attention 24/7. I have not left his side for more than an hour since he was born, and I do not want to. I would however like 15 minutes to shower every other day. To nap alone once in a while, read a book while you play with him. I even really want to be able to clean uninterrupted, occasionally; maybe even get the vacuum out.
Selfish is... not seeing these things.
How do you define selfish? Leave your 'Selfish is...' statement in the comments - or, post it on your own site and link back. (And note that 'selfishness' does not necessarily have to be defined with reference to spouses/partners: it can be defined with reference to in-laws, friends, co-workers, neighbors, bus drivers - even yourself... )