Posted by Anonymous.
I hated high school. Now, I have issues with women who say they like me, are friendly to my face... but really don’t enjoy being around me. (kind of like high school) They are too chicken to tell me. This pisses me off.
I’ll give you some background here. Then you’ll understand why this post is being aired in the basement. I sure as hell couldn’t post it on my blog. I do get controversial there occasionally, but, well, you know who reads my blog. My mom. My husband’s mom. Some of the women who are two-faced. Enough said about that. This could get long- it’s a complicated situation
I have a bit of what some would call, a personality problem. I can’t be quiet. I will talk to you in the grocery store. I will hand you a piece of clothing in your child’s size at the Value Village even when I just laid my eyes on you 2 minutes before. If I am waiting to pick my child up on the playground and I hear that you are car shopping, I’ll tell you all about the car I test-drove last weekend. I can’t help it. I love to talk. I love the sound of my own voice. I love to meet people and give them whatever information that I find to be currently fascinating. My son? Well,
he’s 5. He’ll talk your arm off as well. (runs in the family and that is another post)
I am a scrapbooker. A rabid one. I love to go to crops and sit my bum down and... talk. (sometimes I scrap) This whole thing started when I joined a cropping group in my town with people that I don’t know very well. The crop is sponsored by a woman who I really like. She’s funny, she is passionate about her kids, she runs a rockin’ business and she is very generous with her time and her money. Herein lies the problem. I come to scrapbook, and I talk. And talk, and talk, and talk. With people I know well, this is not a problem. They like me and will tell me if they want me to hush up. They will grin, and say “Hey, are you ever quiet? Enough already!” We laugh and move on, a bit more quietly. This woman? She is too polite to say anything. I was driving other people away and she still didn’t say anything. I, being so self-centered, didn’t figure out that I was the problem. Two weeks ago, I figured it out.
I felt mortified. I felt embarrassed. I was pissed off. I still am. Here’s how I figured it out. As a stay at home mom married to a workaholic, I have to find things to keep me sane. One of my sanity boosters is a message board for scrapbookers. I was reading along one day and came across a post by a scrapbooking consultant. She was complaining about a “toxic, chatty Cathy client”. She was relating that she has many fewer customers because this client had chased them away. She wanted to know what to do. Advice was given and she replied further down the thread, describing her “toxic customer“ in detail. I didn’t recognize the user name of this person posting. I kept reading. Further down the thread, she signed her name. Her real name. You guessed it, my crop hostess. I checked the date on the thread and realized that she had dropped me from her mailing list about that time. I then posted anonymously and asked consultants to please be honest with a client if they had a problem with her. Really, they owe it to themselves and that person to say something, nicely. I could have gone away months prior to this and saved her a whole bunch of angst and anxiety, to say nothing of less of a negative impact on her business. It really chaps my ass that she didn’t say anything to me.
So, what have I decided to do about this? First of all, I can’t be 100% sure that the client she had trouble with was me. I am too chicken to go and talk to her right now. That could change in the future. After my anonymous post, I changed my avatar to a picture of a Chatty Cathy doll. My tag-line now reads “Chatty Cathy in Recovery”. I hope she sees it and feels guilty. I really do. That is mean and petty and right now? I really don’t give a shit. I now have a learning experience on my hands. I went to a new crop at the invitation of another gal on the message board a few weeks ago. I got a lot done. I listened. I answered direct questions. I asked a few questions of the gals around me. I didn’t share any tools or supplies unless asked. I made a small purchase from the consultant and I left. I was invited to come back again the very next day. I enjoyed myself.
Part of me is really grateful that I now have knowledge and I can learn and grow and make changes to my behavior. Part of me is still really ticked off that she was nice to my face and trashed me behind my back. Part of me is disappointed because I have lost what I thought was a friend. The rest of me? I’m going on with my life and choosing to be happy. I’m choosing to continue meeting new people and enjoying them. My mama taught me to keep quiet if I didn’t have nice things to say. Evidently her mama taught her that as well. I wish she hadn’t learned her lesson so well.
But what should I do? Should I contact her or let things go?