Posted by Anonymous.
How long do you allow yourself to stay angry at a family member before either taking it on or letting it go?
Should you let it go?
I've been angry with my mom for a very long time. For dozens of things, big and little. Nothing really damaging, nothing that's really a relationship-breaker, but a whole lot of frustrating stuff, spread over the years, that's been weighing on my heart. Some stuff that's stupid, some stuff that's not so stupid, but all of it selfish - all of it having to do with ME wanting my MOM, wanting her to be more overtly caring, more solicitous, more eager to be a mom, and not just a friend. Wanting her to want to do those things - to come visit, to see her grandchild more often, to spend more time, to spend more attention. To be the mom that I want to be to my children when they're grown, and they need me, like I need my mom, sometimes, now.
She and I have spoken about these things. She thinks that I'm being silly. She does love me, she says. She'd do anything for me, she says. But she wouldn't, I know that she wouldn't, I know that she wouldn't even do anything that put her out too much, unless it was really dire straights, and that hurts.
Am I silly? Should I just let it go, and just love the mom I have, and stop wishing for the mom that I lost long ago?