Posted by Anonymous.
I've been married for eight years. We have two beautiful children and a comfortable life. He is not a bad person. He doesn't drink, smoke, gamble, hit me, cheat, spend hours in bars or looking at internet porn. He's a good guy, he can make me laugh, and he loves me. The problem is that I just don't love him anymore, and honestly, am not sure if I ever really did.
We got married young, not an excuse, just a fact, and I'm not sure if the circumstances had been different if I would have ended up married to him. I was young, had made a mistake, and was trying to prove to everyone, and myself that I had done the right thing. It was also an issue of security. I felt like I had no where else to go, and did not want to be alone.
After our oldest was born he became very resentul of the time and attention that she took away from me. I feel like that for the past several years he really has not been there for me. He worked alot, and I spent many nights alone with the baby, and she was not an easy baby. I had thought he would be such a great dad. He wanted kids, I wasn't so sure, so I expected alot from him and when he didn't deliver, I think it really hurt me. He also said some very hurtful things to me in those years. I really thought about leaving him when she was a baby, but I wanted another baby so two years later our son was born and it was pretty much the same story. I was the sole parent, anything I asked him to do was a chore and I felt bad for it. He never got up in the night, never did baths or feedings, he spent a lot of time away at work or in front of the TV.
We've talked about all this, been to counseling over it and the way I feel about it, but it's pretty much just my problem. He understands that I feel that way, but he doesn't agree with it, and I just have to get over it. To his credit, he has made an honest effort to improve over the past year, but he still isn't the husband
and father I thought I was getting. I have to give him credit for trying though.
Now, ten years and two kids later, I don't know what to do. I've been to counseling, we've been to counseling together. I have told him how I feel, but he just does not accept it. He says that he can make me love him, he thinks that because we don't fight everything is fine. When I have talked about leaving he called be a selfish ***** and reminded me of everyone I would hurt by leaving, our families, the kids, him. So now when he asks what's wrong I just lie and say nothing, because he doesn't want to hear the truth anyway.
I wish I had a reason to leave. Everyone thinks he is great and I'm so lucky, so they wouldn't understand. If he would mess up just once, I could leave, I could justify a divorce, but the way things are now, I can't. Life isn't horrible, it isn't good, it just is. I have my kids and my home, but I don't have a partner, a companion. I dream about a place of my own, just me and the kids, where I could do what I wanted, decorate how I wanted, cook how I wanted.
Why can't I leave? Why can't I bring myself to stand up to him and just tell him that I can't do this anymore? Why am I so worried about doing the wrong thing and what everyone else would think? Also, I hate to disrupt my kids' world. They are young, 5 & 3, and I hate to tear their lives apart on a whim. I don't want to waste my life unhappy when I could have a shot at being happy by myself or with someone else.
Other than more counseling, any advice? Has anyone been in the same situation and what have you done? Am I just being selfish, idealistic? Are all marriages like this after awhile?