For someone who was determined to remain child-free, I sure do have a lot of baby on the brain. Someone offered up a copy of "What to Expect" on Freecycle, and I jumped at it. It's sitting here on my coffee table, beckoning, filled with facts and secrets I haven't been privy to because I'm not a mom. Yet.
I really didn't expect to feel like this but I have come through something in the last year, gone through some sort of metamorphosis. I'm not sure but I think my new-found longing to become a mom myself has something to do with having figured out some important aspects of my own relationship with my mother. Ever since I came to the realization that It's Okay to Put Me First, I've felt more like I want to have a baby. It's ironic, I know, because becoming a mother means that you basically never get to put yourself first again, so maybe it's more that it's okay to put My Family (those of us who live together under the same roof, day in and day out) first.
I've been reading mommyblogs for awhile, but they suddenly have new relevance, and hold a new fascination for me. I can learn from the mommyblogs. I can feel more prepared for the road ahead. I feel like these fantastic ladies and their endless stories, good and bad, are an amazing resource, and I know that no matter how tough it gets (and it will get tough), I will have company.
I wish that I could write more openly about these feelings on my personal site, but I'm not ready to expose these thoughts to my family members who might read it. I almost have enough to say about this that I could start a separate blog, but I don't want to go that route, because I am not two separate people. I'm still me. With options!