Posted by Anonymous.
I am so tired. I am tired of taking care of everyone and everything. I am tired of always being the optimistic one. I am tired of going without so you can have whatever you want. I am tired of leaving my baby at home* while I work five days a week. I am tired of NEVER having enough money. I am tired of not having enough money and no groceries, tired of begging LITERALLY begging for food money. I am tired of saying that it could be worse. I KNOW IT COULD BE WORSE BUT GOD DAMMIT THIS IS BAD TOO. I am tired of putting on a happy face and taking deep breaths and continuing on. I WANT TO GIVE UP. I want to quit my job quit paying bills and quit leaving my baby. I want to sit on my fat ass and collect welfare and live off of someone else for a while. I want to quit hearing “But your better than that” FUCK BETTER THAN THAT. I want to be that, I want to be lazy and irresponsible and 22. I am 22 years old and I feel like I’m 40! This is fucking ridiculous. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t be this person anymore. I want to scream until my throat bleeds and cry until my eyes cannot cry any longer. I want buy pretty shiny things FOR MYSELF. I want to stop doing dishes and laundry. I just want to be happy again. I know that this will pass and that suffering is normal and I WILL get over this but for RIGHT NOW I just want to be angry and sad. I want someone to tell me that it’s ok and right now it’s shitty and that’s ok too and I want someone to rub my feet and get me a hot cup of tea.
That felt great. Already I'm feeling better - always the eternal optimist. *BTW - just to clarify I don't leave him at home alone! Ha-ha he is with a baby sitter.